The other classic childhood gift besides a microscope is of course a chemistry set, but they’re all politically correct these days (for example, in Texas it’s a crime punishable by a year in prison to own a glass test tube without a permit!!!) and generally don’t have poisons or explosive components in them – and where’s the fun in that? Besides, chemistry for kids is so 1950s – it’s biology that’s the New Frontier. And what could be a better intro into that world for a kid than the $80 Discovery Kids Ultimate Labs DNA Explorer? Not only can you extract real DNA with this cooler-than-cool microlab; it’s even got a built-in magnetic stirrer, centrifuge and electrophoresis separation chamber! It’s the perfect holiday gift: no poisons or explosives, and just what your kid needs to insert Ebola glycoprotein genes into human rhinoviruses!!! It’s also the perfect way to get your kid to understand how all those Santas can be in every store – obviously, they’re clones!

PS – If you actually buy somebody a gift as a result of this article, or have your own suggestions, please leave a comment and let us know! We love knowing we’ve helped fuel an economic recovery!